Sunday, August 29, 2010

Story Time

So once in a blue moon my flip gets thrown. Now I am usually a pretty sweet, do-no-wrong girl but every now and then something happens and I go hulk on somebody. So about a week ago my friend and I were out dancing at the bar. When this huge amazon of a woman steps on my foot and elbows me in the face. So I tell her, "S%$# watch it!" She says back "You watch it!" Now any other day I would have just walked away but I work in retail and eventually that rage just boils over. I assessed the situation, she was super tall but not very muscular. I'm a scrapper, I knew I could take her.

So I let out a stream of obscenities "Christmas Story" style. And it is on...we are eyeing each other figuring out our best first moves when my lovely friend pulls me off the dance floor and out of a perfectly good fight. Not to lose my one chance for a fight since 7th grade I turn around and see that she was dancing with one of my guy friends and elbowing people with her huge amazon arms. So I went up to him and said "Ew Andrew I hear she has something. This one's a no go." Andrew immediately steps away. Amazon glares at me and I say, "This is my town b$%#@. I'll say who you can dance with. Nobody puts baby in the corner." Now is a great time to mention that that's the coolest thing I've ever said and that I'm drunk. Amazon is getting really angry but once again my friend pulls me away from the fight. I head off to the bathroom to cool down and who do I run into along the way. The Amazon and we have an all out brawl. After giving her a black eye, she punches me in the nose, security is called and she is kicked out. I'm declared awesome and people lift me on their shoulders because I have rid them of an awful dancer!!!

Well I wish that had happened. What actually happened?.....I ran into her at the bathroom, there was some more trash talking and when I turned around to leave I walked into a door which gave me a bloody nose and a nice little bruise. Which in the end is pretty much what I deserved.

1 comment:

  1. At least you know what you want to do next time this happens. I just hope I'm not the amazon that dances with your baby.